Top 5 ‘Seinfeld’ Quotes

This is the first list completed by request. Here you go, Eppy.

5. Various Characters, The Alternate Side

“These pretzels are making me thirsty!”

4. Jerry Seinfeld, The Alternate Side

Rental Car Agent: Would you like insurance?
Jerry: Yeah, give me the insurance. Because I’m gonna beat the hell out of this car.

3. Elaine, Jerry, and George, The Chinese Restaurant

Elaine: “It’s not fair that people are seated first-come, first-serve. It should be based on who’s hungriest. I feel like just walking over there and taking some food off somebody’s plate.”
Jerry: “I’ll tell you what, there’s fifty bucks in it for you if you do it.”
Elaine: “What do you mean?”
Jerry: “You walk over to that table, you pick up an eggroll, you don’t say anything. You eat it, say thank you very much, wipe your mouth, walk away, I give you fifty bucks.”
Elaine: “What are they gonna do?”
Jerry: “They won’t do anything. In fact, you’ll be giving them a story to tell for the rest of their lives.”
Elaine: “Fifty bucks? You’ll give me fifty bucks?”
Jerry: “Fifty bucks. That table over there. The three couples.”
Elaine: “Okay, I don’t want to go over there and do it and then come back here and find out there was some little loophole, like I didn’t put mustard on it.”
Jerry: “No, no tricks.”
Elaine: “Should I do it George?”
George: “For fifty bucks? I’d put my face in their soup and blow!” 

2. Kramer, The Fire

Jerry: “You kept making all the stops? “
Kramer: “Well, people kept ringing the bell!”

1. George Costanza, The Red Dot

Mr. Lippman: “It’s come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct? “
George: “Who said that? “
Mr. Lippman: “She did.”
George: [pause] “Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon… “